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.." I had no idea what I could say. This wasn't a conversation Iwanted to have with Jill. If she knew the truth about me now..."Okay this is what I'm going to do," said Jill as she finished hermilkshake and pushed it to one side. "Intervention time!" She said itwith a grand, self-deprecating flourish - something she did from time totime when she wanted to soften the blow. "You're going to sit down atsome point soon and write a totally honest letter to this significantother of yours, and in it you're going to confess you've beenunfaithful, but you'll explain all the reasons why, that you've secretlybeen a cross dresser who has dreamt of living life as a girl, and thatyou can't live a fake life without stockings and heels and dresses andskirts and makeup, and you're going to throw yourself completely on hermercy and hope she'll love you enough to keep you in her life in somecapacity."I must have looked horrified at the idea. Jill of course had no ideathat she was effectively telling me. I am not sure that I understand why the word pedophile has so many meanings to so many people. A much younger Jimmy Carter once said in a Playboy Forum piece something to the effect that although he had not ever had an illicit affair, he had lusted in his heart after other women and so by his belief, in God's eye he was guilty of having an affair. We all have fantasies. Mine are well controlled and I would argue that knowing them have made me stronger and better able to resist my feelings.What is to me ironic is that I have never heard Stephen King accused of being demonic even though he has written stories showing excellent knowledge on that subject. Nor have I heard of Agatha Christie accused of being a murderer, although she certainly must spend a lot of time researching and writing about some of the most unusual murders. That follows in almost every sort of fictional literature except sexual fiction. For some reason if you write about child and adult sex, you must be a.
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